


Soap for Dirty Old Men

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Cumshot, Explicit Language, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-01
Updated: 2008-10-01
Packaged: 2017-11-15 10:04:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/526087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaoru stared down at the small donut-shaped soap in mild amusement. What a funny way to shape soap... unless. His eyes widened as it struck him and he dropped it like it was on fire. No... Die wouldn't use it in such a way, would he?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soap for Dirty Old Men

**Author's Note:**

> Beta Readers: MJ, Callie, elyachan  
> Comments: For Prompt: 0009: Incomplete (prompt_rotation)  
> Song[s]: "DEATH BALLET" by Saruin

Kaoru lounged on the pillows in Die's living room floor, liking the feeling of the soft fabric they were made from. Die had said what it was, but he couldn't remember anymore. After all, remembering such things was completely pointless to him. He had far better stuff to use up his memory space for, and what something was made out of wasn't it. Despite that, he found himself idly rubbing one finger along the pillow, enjoying the way it felt against his fingertip. It was almost... erotic.

The guitarist winced, pulling his finger away and hastily sitting up to take a swig from his beer. If _he_ had found the feel of it erotic, god only knew what Die had been doing with dozens of girls on these pillows. He pulled a face and quickly finished his beer off, standing up. "I'm getting another beer." There was no need to ask, Die's fridge was always open territory where Kaoru was involved and he knew it.

Soon enough, he was in the kitchen, pulling another chilled Heineken from the fridge and using the bottle opener on the wall to pop the top off. He took a healthy drink of the cool, amber liquid before sighing in contentment and heading back for the living room, his head feeling a little fuzzy. They'd already been drinking for a few hours now, doing almost nothing but downing one beer after another. More urgently, his bladder informed him of the need to take a piss.

Sighing, Kaoru placed his beer on the table in front of the pillows he'd been sitting on and glanced at Die, gesturing toward the other's bedroom. "Have to piss."

Die shrugged, holding his beer up. "Cheers, then."

Laughing at the now-smirking Die, Kaoru left the room, slipping into Die's bedroom. The entire place was deep burgundies and black. Such a Die thing to do, paint his room so it'd have to be painted a million times to cover the color of it. But then, he didn't see Die as wanting to move anytime soon, either. So, he supposed, it really didn't matter. He pushed the door to Die's bathroom open, stepping over some obviously-worn boxers to get to the black toilet, positioned right beside a bidet. The entire room was generally immaculate - aside from the single pair of boxers- reeking of the fact that Die was a neat-freak when it came to personal hygiene. The appearance of the room alone made Kaoru snort as he flipped up the lid of the toilet and unzipped his pants.

Fishing out his length, he took hold and aimed carefully before starting to unload his bladder. God forbid he miss and Die take to beating him for it. And he'd know, that was for sure. He could still remember Shinya being drunk and missing with a few dribbles once. Die had pitched such a fit that Kaoru thought he was never going to shut up. He chuckled softly before heaving a sigh as the last drops of urine dribbled out into the bowl. He tucked himself back in and zipped again, flushing the toilet and then putting the lid back down.

He moved to the sink, turning on the warm water and then reaching for soap. He eyed the soap dish, wondering which he was supposed to use, as there were four soaps in it, variously shaped. A small white shell soap sat perched atop a burgundy bar soap. Beside that was a small sliver of some kind of green soap... and then there was a small donut-shaped soap in an ugly cream color. Kaoru opted for picking up the ugliest soap of the bunch, figuring that was the one Die would use the fastest. He stared down at the donut-shaped soap in mild amusement as he turned it over in his palm.

What a funny way to shape soap... unless. His eyes widened as it struck him and he dropped it like it was on fire. No... Die wouldn't use it in such a way, would he?! Kaoru gulped, peering down at the offending object. But then... this _was_ Die he was discussing - the general pervert of the group. And that curly red hair didn't really bode well, either. He quickly put the soap back in the dish and used the small green sliver to wash his hands. He toweled off his hands and exited the restroom, his mind still supplying him with images of what Die could do with that stupid soap.

Once he was back in the living room, safely on the floor and nestled between a few pillows, he eyed the rhythm guitarist. "Die... what the hell is that donut soap for?" He already knew the answer, but that hardly mattered. He wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth.

Die glanced up, the question obliviously taking a moment to register in his poor brain before he choked on the mouthful of beer he was attempting to swallow. Hacking, he waved his hand around frantically until he managed to swallow what was left in his mouth and ungracefully wipe away the rest that was dribbling down his chin using his shirt. He sniffled a little, beer having gone up his nose, and made a face. "I... um... well... it's soap. What the hell do you think I use it for?"

Kaoru had to crack a smile at that. Die the smartass, that was about average. "Yes, I'm aware it's soap and that one generally cleans with it. But what exactly do you clean with that particular soap?" He offered the closest thing to an innocent look he could muster as he blinked up at Die.

The red-head shifted uncomfortably. "My body?" Just the way he said it told Kaoru he was completely right about just _what_ Die cleaned with that soap.

Kaoru groaned and smacked his forehead. "Fucker, I touched that! What the hell is it doing sitting in the soap dish by the sink and not in the shower?!" Kaoru wasn't really angry, just goading Die into turning about the same shade of red as his hair currently was.

And it worked. Die turned bright red and then cringed. "I... I... oh, fuck it!" He managed to glare at Kaoru though his embarrassment. "It's the right damn size now that it's been used a bit and well... hell... one of the fans sent it and it said it was soap for there!"

Kaoru tried his best to keep a straight face throughout Die's little blow-up. But he only made it as far as 'right damn size' before he burst out laughing. "Dude, if your dick's only that big, you have bigger issues than what you're washing it with!" He couldn't resist, jabs at Die's manhood had always been a staple of their relationship, even when they first got to know each other. Just the things Die did, how much of a neat-freak he was, all of it - it all added up to the hint of a thought that maybe Die wasn't quite the straightest man in existence. And Kaoru, being a bit on the curious side himself, tended to cover it with the insults randomly hurled at Die over the years.

The look on Die's face turned to horrified. "You wouldn't fucking know!"

Kaoru arched an eyebrow before picking up his beer and slamming a good portion of it. The instant he settled the bottle back on the table, he snorted quite obnoxiously. "Prove it, dickhead."

The rhythm guitarist was fast to get on his knees - albeit wobbling a bit - and begin unfastening his belt. "I'll fucking prove it to you, you goddamn asshole." He yanked harshly at his belt, finally getting it undone and then proceeded on to the three buttons holding his pants fastened. Once they were open, he yanked the fabric back and stuffed his hand in, pulling at the currently flaccid flesh in an attempt to make it at least partially hard.

Kaoru sat back, watching Die with a lopsided grin on his face, his arms firmly crossed across his chest. "Wow... you really _rise_ to the occasion, Die."

"Shut up!" Die's face was still red, but not all of it was from embarrassment any longer. He pulled his now half-hard length free of his pants and glared pointedly at Kaoru. "Does that look like I need any fucking insults in the cock department?!"

Kaoru eyed his friend's arousal, completely forgetting the fact that he really should have been gagging and acting generally like an ass about the fact that Die's cock was now hanging out for the whole fucking world to see. But, the fact was, he didn't mind seeing it. Actually, it was causing a good amount of blood to flow toward his own groin. "You know... that soap's a bit... incomplete." It was an off-handed comment, really one that didn't quite follow what he'd said just moments before. But in his own mind, it made perfect sense.

"Huh?" Die blinked at Kaoru, the look on his face telling that he'd already completely forgotten about the damn soap.

"It's quite the poor substitute for a mouth, if you ask me. No tongue, no suction..." he clicked his tongue a little and then smirked. "Of course, maybe you prefer it more... impersonal, or something."

Die's eyes widened. "I do not! Have you ever heard of getting off just to get off? Fuck, Kaoru! Do you really have to insult everything I do?!"

Kaoru smirked at the other man, watching as Die somehow grew more and more aroused by the passing second. He shifted a bit, getting some of the pressure of his own arousal off the seam of his pants. "You beg for it and I can't help it."

The red-head crossed his arms, glaring at Kaoru. "Yeah, well... go fuck yourself."

Kaoru took another swig of his beer, eyeing Die over the green glass. Slowly, he swallowed and pulled the bottle away from his lips. "I'd rather fuck you." The words were out of his lips before he could stop them. Instantly, he regretted them, regretted the look of shock so evident across Die's face. For the love of fuck, this was his best friend and co-worker! Shakily, he put his beer back down on the table and took a deep breath. "I... um..."

Die cut him off, holding up his hand. "Don't make excuses, I don't need them. But... are you serious?" His eyes now held the curiosity of a child, the look Kaoru had grown so used to over the years with Die.

The lead guitarist took a deep breath and then slowly let it out. Well... he'd already leaped head-first into that shark-tank. He figured he might as well finish it off. Besides, Die didn't look completely horrified. "Maybe I'd rather show you what a _real_ blowjob could do for you, rather than your stupid soap."

"How many times do I have to tell you- oh." He blinked a few times in quick succession before he resumed looking like the arrogant ass Kaoru was more used to. "Then show me." At this point, it didn't really matter how it made him look to approve of what Kaoru had just said. He already had his mostly-erect cock hanging out right in the other's view. It didn't get much more incriminating than that.

Kaoru was fast - faster than Die had expected - as he slid across the pillows, pushing Die back against the divider wall and grasping the red-head's hips. He licked his lips, wetting them before he leaned down, quickly taking half of Die's length into his mouth and lathering it with his saliva. Die's lewd groan only spurred him on, encouraging him to take all of Die's length, all the way up to the carefully dyed and trimmed red hairs at the base of the second guitarist's cock. He sucked as he pulled his head back up, swiping his tongue around the sensitive head and then teasing the little indent on the underside of the other man's length.

Unable to stand the intensity of the pleasure Kaoru was giving him without doing something himself, Die reached down, grasping Kaoru's dark hair in one hand and arched his hips into each downward movement the band leader made.

Much to Kaoru's credit, he didn't gag on the intruding length, only sucked harder as he dug his fingers into Die's hips.

The red-head gasped for breath, knowing this wasn't going to be long and drawn out. It couldn't be when Kaoru was doing such a damn good job of hitting all the right spots - something a girl could never do. His fingers tightened and moans fell freely from his lips as Kaoru continued, his head bobbing faster and his hand sneaking up to fondle Die's balls as his free hand rubbed vigorously across the crotch of his own pants.

"T-take it out." Die shuddered as Kaoru took him all the way in again, swallowing around him. He swatted at the other's free hand, trying to get him to at least take his cock out and jerk off.

Kaoru quickly got the point, letting go of Die's balls as he pulled back from the rhythm guitarist's dick and began licking at it while he unfastened his belt and unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. His length sprang free and he moaned at the feeling of it having the freedom to move rather than being cooped up in his too-tight jeans. Wrapping one hand around himself, he returned his other hand to Die's balls, rolling the furrowed flesh in his palm, gently kneading them in the way he knew Die would like best.

It wasn't long before he slid Die's cock back into his mouth and began sucking again. Part of him craved it, wanted it more than he could have ever dreamed. Even as the other part of his mind screamed at him that this was the gayest fucking thing he could be doing, the other part informed him that his own dick was too hard to give a shit. He moaned around Die's length as he pumped himself faster, his grip tightening with each stroke. Likewise, he increased the suction on Die's arousal, fitting the two things perfectly together.

Die felt like he was losing his mind, the pleasure was almost too much. Never in his life had he had a blowjob quite like this. He let his head drop back and hit the wall, a string of obscenities left his mouth and then he was soaring over the edge of his orgasm with no warning whatsoever. Gasping, he tried to push Kaoru away, only to have the other man cling to him, sucking for all he was worth. Die's mind blanked and all he could feel was his orgasm and how incredibly strong it was as it rolled over him.

Kaoru felt Die push at him, trying to get him to not have to take his release in his mouth, even as the first spurt of it hit the back of his throat. If he'd had more warning, he might have stopped and jerked Die off to completion. But like this, he figured he was in for the full ride, like it or not. Much to his own surprise, he enjoyed the feeling of Die's length throbbing against his tongue, the sensation of his hot cum splattering the inside of his mouth. In fact, he liked it so much that his own orgasm was rapidly approaching, his balls drawing up and the telltale throb in his prostate setting in. With a groan, he came hard, rivulets of his release splashing across the carpeting between Die's knees.

Once he'd milked himself clean, he gave Die a final suck, licking at the tip before pulling back, panting as he settled back, lifting his own hand and licking a few drops of his own cum away. "So... did I prove my point?"

Die could only stare incredulously at the other man. Was he fucking crazy?!

 **The End**  
Oh look... two ways to incorporate 'incomplete' as a prompt. *dies laughing in my meanness*  



End file.
